This weekend, I’m renting a local Airbnb and having a bro weekend with a few of my oldest friends.

No responsibilities. No kids. Just video games, junk food, and goofing off like it’s 2004.

It’s a Father’s Day gift to myself and honestly, a survival strategy.

Because as a Five, I’ve learned something the hard way: most of the things I do to “rest” don’t actually help me recover.

They just keep me comfortably occupied.

Why your “rest” isn’t actually restful

When Fives feel depleted, our first instinct is to retreat into solitude. We binge YouTube, pick up a new book, or lose ourselves in some obscure rabbit hole of research.

It feels like rest. But most of the time, it’s just mental stimulation in disguise.

And here’s the kicker: our nervous systems don’t know the difference.

They don’t care if we’re reading Carl Jung or watching cat videos. If our brains are still buzzing, we’re not actually recharging.

Why we avoid real rest

Real rest isn’t just about being alone or off the clock.

It’s about letting your system reset.

But that kind of rest can feel uncomfortable. Here’s why:

• We don’t know how to turn our brains off. Stillness feels boring. Or worse, empty.
• We equate rest with laziness. If we’re not learning or producing something, we feel guilty.
• We don’t recognize our actual fatigue. We’re so used to being overstimulated that “fried” feels normal.
• We mistake information for nourishment. Reading about emotions isn’t the same as feeling them. Listening to a podcast on burnout isn’t the same as resting.
• We’ve built an identity around being capable. Needing deep rest can feel like failure.

The result? We fill our down time with low-effort, high-input activities that keep us in the same loop of depletion.

How to experience real rest

Here’s a small experiment you can try this week.

It’s simple, but if you’re like me, it might feel harder than it sounds.

Step 1: Choose one evening to do nothing productive

No learning, no planning, no optimizing. Just exist.

You can light a candle. Sit outside. Listen to instrumental music. Walk without headphones. Pet your dog. Lay on the floor. Let your mind be still.

Step 2: Notice the discomfort

If your brain tries to convince you this is a waste of time, that’s okay. Just notice it.

What does stillness bring up for you?

Can you stay with it for just 5 more minutes?

Step 3: Try subtracting instead of adding

Instead of trying to find the perfect rest activity, try removing stimulation: dim the lights, shut the laptop, silence the phone.

Notice what your body actually wants, not what your brain thinks it should want.

Your turn

What’s something you usually do to “rest” that isn’t actually restorative?

What might real rest look like instead?

If you’re willing, try something different this week and let me know how it goes. I read every reply.