If you’re like most Fives, relaxation isn’t relaxing.

It’s unsettling.

You sit down to rest, and your mind instantly starts working. Tasks you forgot. Problems you haven’t solved. Loops of planning, fixing, scanning.

I recently looked at the answers from the 170 Fives who’ve taken our Personal Growth Playbook questionnaire, and the data is clear: the vast majority of us can’t relax without our minds hijacking the moment.

This isn’t a personal flaw. It’s a learned pattern. One you can understand and unlearn.

So today we’re unpacking why your brain won’t let you rest, and how to train it to loosen its grip.

You don’t actually love thinking about problems

You feel safer when your brain is doing something.

Fives are often seen as “intellectual” or “cerebral,” but what looks like deep thought is often just persistent scanning. We are constantly searching for open loops, unfinished tasks, or potential threats to prepare for. That activity creates a sense of control.

We don’t overthink because it’s fun.

We overthink because it feels necessary.

Why your mind resists rest

Here’s the thing: when we try to slow down, it’s not that our brain ignores the signal.

It actively resists it.

Your mind isn’t just wandering, it’s defending. And understanding why gives you a way in. Here are some common reasons most of us can’t just “turn off” and unwind:

• Mental stimulation feels safer than stillness. Thinking feels like control. Resting can feel exposed or unproductive.
• We confuse thinking with solving. Even without urgent problems, the mind keeps hunting for something to resolve, like a background app draining your battery.
• Relaxation can feel unsafe. Stillness can surface emotions we’ve buried under busyness. Thinking is easier than feeling.
• We haven’t practiced rest. No one taught us to downshift our nervous systems, so we try to think our way into relaxation, which only ramps things up.

But, it doesn’t have to be this way.

You can retrain your mind to recognize that stillness isn’t dangerous, and that you don’t lose anything by letting go for a moment.

How to start resting without forcing it

The goal isn’t to “clear your mind.” That’s a myth. The real goal is to build capacity for stillness in small, safe doses.

Here’s how to practice that in 3 simple steps:

Step 1: Name the urge to think When your mind spins up a list of things to do, don’t fight it. Just name it. “Oh, there’s my brain trying to solve something again.”

Step 2: Give your brain a gentle anchor Shift your focus to something steady:

• The rhythm of your breath
• The weight of your body in the chair
• The furthest sound you can hear

Step 3: Keep it short Set a timer for two minutes (yep, just two). Tell your mind, “We’re just taking a short break.” Small doses train your brain to trust stillness.

You don’t have to earn your rest

Your mind doesn’t need more to do. It needs more room to breathe.

You’re not weak for wanting rest. You’re a Five living in a world that rewards nonstop output. You’re allowed to set the thoughts down. To feel the ground beneath you.

To just be here.

The more you practice, the less your mind will fight you. Over time, rest won’t feel like a threat. It will feel like coming home.

Your turn: Try this 2-minute practice once a day this week. Don’t aim to be perfect. Just give your brain a chance to soften.