Rest is supposed to make you feel more alive.

But as a Five, I’ve had plenty of “rest days” that did the opposite.

I’d take space, cancel plans, go quiet, and sink into my safest little routines. And somehow I’d come out the other side with less energy, not more.

If you’ve ever thought, “Why didn’t that help?” this is probably why...

Today we’re talking about the difference between rest and hiding, and how to tell which one you’re doing in real time.

The sneaky part

Hiding can look exactly like rest from the outside.

You’re home. You’re offline. You’re not doing anything “bad.”

But internally, something is different.

Rest is a downshift that repairs your system. Hiding is a retreat that protects your system.

Protection isn't inherently wrong. But if protection is your default, it starts to cost you.

It costs you energy because you never actually finish the stress cycle. You just pause the world until you can tolerate it again.

And when you come back, the world is still there.

So, your system stays braced.

A simple way to tell the difference

Here’s the fast diagnostic I use.

Rest tends to create these outcomes:

• I feel more available afterward
• My body feels relaxed, steadier, more settled
• I have slightly more desire to engage with life

Hiding tends to create these outcomes:

• I feel numb or foggy afterward
• My body feels braced, tight, or restless
• I feel more avoidant, more picky, more “leave me alone”

That last one is the giveaway.

Rest makes life feel a little more doable. Hiding makes life feel more threatening.

Why Fives default to hiding

A lot of us learned early that engagement is expensive.

Too much noise.
Too much emotion.
Too many demands.
Too many expectations.

So we built a strategy: Withdraw first. Stabilize internally. Then re-enter when we’re “ready.”

The problem is that ready never fully arrives.

Because readiness isn’t a thought. It’s a nervous system state.

And hiding can keep your nervous system from ever updating.

The surprising reframe

If you keep taking breaks but you don’t feel restored, you probably don’t need more rest.

You need a different kind of rest.

The kind that helps regulate you, not just distance you from people.

That means rest that includes some form of completion, not just retreat. Completion can look like:

• Moving your body enough to discharge tension
• Getting sunlight, water, and food before you disappear into your head
• Doing one small “closing loop” action so your mind can let go of the thought
• Connecting with one safe person for two minutes instead of isolating for two hours

None of those are dramatic, but they tell your system: we’re safe and we’re capable.

If you want to try something

Here’s a simple experiment you can run today. I call it “10 minutes of real rest.”

Step 1: Choose one signal for your body​
Pick one:

• A 10-minute walk
• 20 slow breaths with a longer exhale
• A hot shower with no phone
• A few minutes of stretching on the floor

Step 2: Choose one tiny completion​
Pick one:

• Respond to one message you’ve been avoiding
• Write down the one next step for a project and stop there
• Put one open loop on the calendar
• Clean one small surface so your space stops shouting at you

Step 3: Choose one gentle reconnection​
Pick one:

• Send a “thinking of you” text
• Sit in the same room as your partner or kids for a few minutes without performing
• Make eye contact with a human at the coffee shop and say thank you like you mean it

Then ask yourself one question: After that, do I feel more available to life or less?

That answer tells the truth.

Not the story in your head, but the state in your body.

And once you can tell the difference between rest and hiding, you can stop taking breaks that don’t work.

See you next week!